We all have negative feelings that we need to deal with from day to day. We have experiences that trigger feelings of anger, fear, insecurity, or even hate. But at some point as we grow and progress, we realize these feelings don't define us. Instead, we desire to get rid of them, and see ourselves and others in a positive light.
1) But I'm perfect!
As we move along this path to greater love in our lives, we may still perceive that the anger we feel toward someone else is about them. We don't expect the other person to change and we take ownership for feeling the negative emotion. We accept that we need to do something to process and release this anger we are feeling. Taking ownership of our feelings is a great step on the path to happiness and unconditional love. But there is a next step that is necessary if we want to continue to grow.
That next step is the ownership of the characteristic in the other person that triggered the negative feelings in the first place.
But I'm perfect! you protest, only half in jest. I will agree, you actually are perfect.....but that perfect Spirit is hidden under layers and layers of imperfection!As we learn to own our feelings, we also need to learn to own our negative qualities and behaviors. This is one way that we break down the false sense of separation between "us" and "them," between "Karen" and "Sue." It can be hard to take an honest look at ourselves and admit to (and discover) our negative traits.However, we must face our fears and our negative issues directly in order to get rid of them. We cannot go around, only through.
When we experience negative feelings toward someone else for a specific behavior, it is because we have that same characteristic in ourselves.
In her book Feelings Buried Alive Never Die..., Karol K. Truman writes, "...we only see in others that which we see (subconsciously) in our Self. Until we own this truth, we will continue to carry the burden of our own darkness."
Taking ownership of and recognizing the trait in yourself will lead you to freedom. It will allow you to process the feeling, to forgive the other person and yourself, and help you develop compassion for both yourself and others.
2) Seeing our imperfection
Let me share an example of this process in my own life. Thoughts came to my mind of a person I once knew. As I thought of this individual and some specific actions, I felt angry at them. Quite angry. How could they behave that way? This was followed quickly by fear and insecurity. What if they returned and this happened again?
I realized that I was the one conjuring up these negative feelings, based on past experiences. But the feelings came from experiences in my life that happened when I was much younger. The other person was just a trigger for them.
Step one for me was gratitude. Thank you, Heavenly Father, thank you Spirit, for reminding me that I need to deal with this. Next, I was given an insight into myself - I had one of those a-ha moments that allowed me to see myself more clearly. I saw in myself the same behavior that the other person exhibited that triggered the anger. I was given to understand why I felt anger. I realized I had not forgiven myself, and was putting that anger on someone else.
3) How to get rid of the negative
Thankfully, releasing these negative feelings and experiences is not a difficult process.
- Take ownership for the feeling.
- Take ownership for the behavior in yourself.
- Forgive yourself for the past behavior.
- Release the emotion.
I forgave myself, and this individual, by praying and asking for forgiveness. It can be harder to forgive ourselves than others, but we must do so! Ask God for extra help if you need it.
The emotion can be released in a few ways. I use The Emotion Code and The Body Code, of course! I also use Karol K. Truman's script, as out lined in her book. The basic premise is to ask your Spirit to take you to the origin of the feeling, ask for forgiveness for yourself and others, and replace the feeling with a positive opposite. I replaced the feeling of anger with acceptance.
Once you have gone through this process, choose to see yourself and others from a position of love. Send love to all those you meet each day!
Finding relief from those negative feelings
- Recognize and allow yourself to experience them
- Get off of the blame wheel! Take responsibility for your emotions and choose to heal.
- Forgiveness is key - forgiving others and forgiving ourselves.
How has taking ownership of your negative feelings changed your life?