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Narcissism and finding yourself 

 February 20, 2024

A relationship of any sort with a narcissist will leave your head spinning. You lose your self of self and your identity as an individual. It leaves you questioning everything, doubting yourself, and wondering who to trust.

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In healing my own past, I discovered, fairly recently, that I had three significant relationships with people who were very likely on the narcissist scale.

Those who have relationships with narcissists are generally empaths, and have poor boundaries. Distinguishing "me" from "you" is a huge issue. The narcissist personality literally feeds off of the energy of another. 

I have seen these energetic boundary issues in myself and in my clients. We're surrounded by energy, and learning to distinguish what we're feeling and where it's coming from can be really difficult!

There's a fantastic book by Christiane Northrup, M.D., called Dodging Energy Vampires, that highlights physical ailments she sees in her patients. These ailments don't fully heal until her patients separate themselves from the narcissists in their lives.

I believe that we all have an inner light and an inner dream that we were given to bring to life. However, we can't bring our dream to life when we're enmeshed with others. We have to separate from others and discover who we truly are, first. If we don't separate, we don't know what desires are ours, and what desires are actually someone else's. 

Society also makes it difficult to determines what is ours and what isn't. Even well meaning parents who are mentally healthy quite often put their children into boxes that limit what is acceptable and not acceptable for them to express or to become.

Were you told that what you wanted to do was wrong, or impossible? Were you shamed for your desires? Do you hear other adults supporting their kids in some goals, but not others? 

If you have a hard time figuring out what dreams or goals you want to pursue, keep moving forward. Keep searching for the true you. It is there, it just might be buried under some layers that need healing first.

Who Am I?

I don't know which way to go,
What to find or who to see.
What do you do when mother and father
Aren't what you need them to be?

When mom doesn't nurture but wants you dead.
When dad won't protect, but hides instead.
When neither can provide what little me needs,
Big me is still lost, bobbing at sea.

The winds and the waves just toss me about.
Who can I trust to show the way out?
Which way is safe, and what do I need?
Who am I even, this undifferentiated seed?

Sent here to learn what's it's like to be one,
Develop myself and identity won.
Finally to learn to merge back with source,
At peace and at home, where I belong, of course.

Hell no! I won't merge, for I'm already stuck
Still one with parents, and part of their muck.
Why would I merge when others cause pain?
I just want to escape, and no longer be drained.

My goal, my plan, my heart's true desire,
Is to be free from all who conspire,
Who lack the ability to just let me be,
Who try to coerce, to overpower, and to destroy me!

It's not a farce, this isn't a game.
You and I are not one and the same!
Take your claws out of my soul.
Only apart from you can I be made whole.

Sinister men and sinister feats,
I want out of your games, leave me at peace.
You cannot destroy what no longer was.
I choose to escape, I'm not your drug.

Find your own source of power and air,
Leave me alone, keep me out of your lair.
Your tongue and your words both flatter and deceit,
You beat even Satan, the master complete.

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About the author

Jen Bessire, PhD, is a Christian medium, author, and healer. After 23 years as a physical therapist, God called her to her current path in 2014. She delights in helping others come unto Christ, heal generational trauma, and create a life of freedom. God is calling you - are you listening?

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