When we know who we are, it makes it a lot easier to trust in God's timing. Our identity as children of God provides a sense of love and security, and gives us a feeling of belonging. The important thing is to remember!
My morning scripture study brought up a feeling of being unloved...not a normal response to spending time with God! But something I read that was written about men triggered these feelings. Where are the women? What about us? I see much about men and read what was written by men, but have an acute sense of feeling invisible as a woman.
This feeling was lingering as I made my way to the park.
Finding identity through the flowers
07:46AM. A beautiful July morning at Sunderbruch Park. I'm the only one here. Walking up the asphalt pathway, I'm considering who to talk with today. My journeys to these trails are primarily to commune with nature. Exercise is secondary.
I see a patch of blackberries, still ripening, and make a mental note to return here to gather some in a few weeks.
A big, beautiful, sunny field of Monarda (bee balm) catches my eye. I have a few patches of Monarda growing in my yard, as well. It's a magnet for bumblebees and other little bees, and hummingbirds, too. I love watching the bumblebees scurry from flower to flower. The move like they're in a hurry, frenetic almost.
The pink flowers are Monarda fistulosa, commonly known as bee balm
As I keep moving, I notice some smaller groupings of Monarda under trees on the edge of the path. These are the ones calling to me.
I stop facing the flowers, and say a prayer to prepare to listen and receive.
God sees and loves all
The first thing I encounter is the guardian of the space. He is short, broad and fierce-looking. As he approaches me, I simply stand and wait. There's no need to say anything. The guardian is simply assessing me.
It doesn’t take him long. He looks at me, gives a little chuckle and nods and smiles as he walks away.
God speaks first:
The Monarda is part of God’s kingdom, just as all are. Bees see it. Bumblebees and other bees see it. They love it. They are attracted to it in droves. So it is with you, child. Many see you and love you and are attracted to you in droves—seen and unseen, seen and unseen, seen and unseen. It mattereth not. Despise not who you are, nor the failings of men, nor my message, nor their ability to receive.
All are seen and loved and created with love. Seek for the purpose in all you read. I am there and will teach you all you need to know. Now it is time to give your full attention to the flower and to listen to her.
The Mondara's voice is feminine and high-pitched, light with a bit of a staccato tempo. She says:
All we do is grow. We just "be" who we are. We shine our light. The things that are looking for us naturally come to us and are attracted to us. We have a purpose, and we know our purpose. It matters not what others say about us or about who we are.
We know who we are. Know who you are. Do you know who you are? You are glorious and beautiful, the daughter of a king. You receive our stories.
We are not sad because so few you hear our voice. We know who we are. Do you know who you are? Know who you are. That is all that matters.
I am grateful for the message. Over and over, the Spirit repeats this message to me, "remember who you are." It's a message that is oft repeated in the scriptures. Our actions and decisions all derive from who we are. If we want to act in a certain way, or achieve certain results, we do from from a place of identity.
The prairie's message
08:03AM. I've moved on from the Monarda, ready for another story. Further along the path, there is a field of wildflowers with mowed paths through it. I've stopped here before, in January, to learn what it was like for the prairie at that time of year.
I stand facing the prairie again, the sun hot on my back. It's going to be much warmer today than yesterday. What is it like at this time of year now that we have hit summer? In early July?
The state of the flowers is much different now, of course. Monarda, black-eyed Susan, purple coneflowers, thistles. The rose bushes are done flowering, and they've been overtaken by something else that has not yet flowered. Everything is at least four feet tall. The red-winged blackbirds are warning me not to get too close, and the bees are busy at work on the flowers. Lots of rabbits scurry back into the cover of the flowers as I come near. There's so much movement and noise.
The prairie at Sunderbrunch Park
Trusting in God's timing
What is the story or the message from the prairie at this time?
Receive with glee and gladness, let laughter fill your heart. Let joy be unbounded, remember who thou art—the daughter of a king, the child of a queen, built and made like Me. Wandering and seeking, but nothing is lost. Everything tells you of Me. The birds on the prairies, the flowers, the thistles, even the grass that does grow, all will whisper and speak if you listen, for they have wisdom, you know. Stories and stories—stories of old, of earth that has gone before.
Listen to her. Seek for her. She'll tell you all you want and more. What desirest thou, child?
I desire to understand my place in my heart, not just intellectually. To fully emotionally accept the work I've been given to do, and have chosen to do. To let go of the feeling or the thought of "there's always something else," unless there truly is and I haven't found it. But I think that there is not something else. There is simply discovery of what is. That's what I desire.
You are here as a queen to gather all into the throne—to do this work for Jesus, for you are his and his alone. He is gathering the seeking. He is gathering the lost. He's been gathering for eons. He's already paid the cost.
Let go of the pressures you put on yourself. Let go of the need to be perfect, to not sin or fail or make mistakes, to not understand. You are doing marvelously well. Your cake is rising as it should. Stop opening the oven. Just trust.
Trust. Trust. Trust. Trust. Trust. Day by day and moment by moment. Continue to trust. Be at peace, child.
Even the flowers are learning to trust in God's timing
See the prairie before you? Nothing strives. It is not competition as so many think. The flowers and plants are learning to create together and to work together, just as you as a human being are learning to do the same. They are not trying to push each other out of the way. They are simply trying to express themselves as much as they can in the limited space which they have been given.
You notice the Monarda does not grow in big bushes in most cases like it does in your yard. How can you design your yard to be like the prairie? Or perhaps should the prairie be tamed to grow like a yard? Isn't it interesting that too much of one thing brings disease? Have you considered such? What would a prairie of all Monarda be like?
Nature has variety. Nature has interspersing, if you will. The prairie all grows together. Each thing has its own space and its own place and its own time. Each thing grows when it is time and gives way when it is time for the next thing and the next. Each thing that grows finds space and creates space and is space for other things. (Like the little butterfly I notice sitting on the leaf of a plant.)
Everything communicates with everything else, if you just have ears to hear.
Remembering
In day to day life, it can be easy to forget. We forget who we are, why we are here. We think we have to strive and push to make things happen.
However, the real lessons come as we trust. As we let go. As we let go of being perfect, of not making mistakes. As we learn to be soft and gentle and allow the process of time to work in our lives, we transform, moment by moment.
I know that God's timing is perfect, and that we can trust in God's timing for our lives. When we turn to him, we find exactly what we need from a loving Heavenly Father.
