There’s a different way to heal your past 

When most people think of healing the past, they think of dealing with painful memories. The belief is that you have to experience it again and uncover things that hurt. What if there was an easier way to heal, that didn’t even require dealing with your past? 

I’ll share my own journey with shadow work, the tools I used, and a higher way that the Lord has led me to.

Are you afraid of your past?

Kneeling on the floor, the carpeting was prickly on my knees and shins. I was tired. My body felt heavy, my eyes sore from crying. 

It had been a decade of putting myself through graduate school. And decades of relationships that constantly told me I was never good enough. Now, I was finally free, at least physically.

I had moved to a new state and started a new job. But my soul was weary. Finally, in desperation, I cried out to Heavenly Father.

"I'm done with all of this! I'm done with all of this pain. I'm willing to open the box and go in, but you have to show me the way. I'm only doing this if you go with me."

As I understood, I had to uncover the hurts and the wounds so they could be healed. I thought I needed to feel and find and explore my upbringing, my relationships, my inherited family patterns so that I could heal the past.

The journey to heal the past

Over the next decade, I went on a healing journey. Yoga and meditation had been staples in my life for many years. To that, I now added books - lots of books! Here are some that were most helpful:

• Feelings Buried Alive Never Die, by Karol K. Truman
• You Can Heal Your Life, by Louise Hay
• The Body Keeps the Score, by Bessel van der Kolk (link to book)
• In An Unspoken Voice, by Peter A. Levine

The next step was marriage to a wonderful, loving man that God placed in my path in response to my prayers. I could not have found a better partner myself. I was amazed at the negative patterns and fears that were revealed to me in the first year of our marriage!

Soon, I was led to The Emotion Code and The Body Code, and I quit my job. I have done hundreds, if not thousands, of energy clearing sessions on myself. I worked on family patterns and cultural beliefs around money, abuse, addiction, gender, and physical pains.

I went from struggling to focus on the positive and good to being able to control and direct my thoughts to focus on gratitude, love, and service. Instead of feeling depressed and heavy and sad most days, I now feel light and happy and thankful.

Is the focus on where you're going, or where you've been?

After so many years focusing on healing the hurts, it's still a method I fall back on when I get physical pains. I know the physical pains are most often expressions of thoughts, beliefs, or emotions that are stuck. 

So when my lateral thigh and calf were tight, I went to work to figure out why, where I was out of alignment, and what I needed to release to heal. 

That's when God stepped in.

Instead of letting me continue down the releasing path, he taught me to go a different way. His way. 

The poem and words that follow are His.

Stop picking at wounds

Dear child. We did shadow work for many years, as you requested. Not it is time to stop picking at wounds. Each time there is pain, each time you experience sorrow, return your mind to me. It is not to live with these feelings, but to understand why you are experiencing them.

It is one thing to feel sorrow out of charity and love for another. It is altogether different to feel sorrow because Satan has come calling, tempting you with sin and deception. Feel sorrow for Godly things. Do not sorrow at your sense of self. Regal in who you are! Do not hang down your weary head. Rejoice in truth, in love, in light.

This is what I mean when I speak of disciplining yourself. Command the elements! They are not to control you. You are to learn to control them! Reversal of this order leads to damnation, literally. It is stifling.

Learn to express and to take charge, to be in charge, of who and what you are. Choose it. Choose to create it, not just day by day, but moment by moment.

Ask yourself these questions when you struggle: Is this indicative of who I am, or of who I want to be? Will this get me to where I want to go?

Do not allow yourself justifications or excuses. This sounds strict and dogmatic to you, but in reality, it is freeing! Explore! Consider who you want to be and who you already are, and focus on those things, intently. 

Do not delay in doing that which brings good. Define what you value, and structure your life in that manner.

It matters not what others strive for. Strive toward your values, and your goals. I made you different from all others. Each is a shining star. Let your own light out! This will get you all you are seeking.

Do you believe me? Try me! Test me! Prove my words. I dare you.

(God knows that I like a challenge!)

What do you want?

Releasing these energies from our past, forgiving, and letting go are noble and necessary.  There's a time and place for them. When I first started all of my healing, it was extremely difficult for me to focus and train myself to think about things that were positive or good. There was just so much darkness and heaviness, and I was so used to being surrounded by it that it was very difficult for me.

At that time, all of these  tools from these books that I mentioned were extremely helpful. They still are, when I need them.

But at some point, we need to focus on what we want that is positive and good. This is the best way to heal the past. We simply create something new.  It has taken me over a decade to learn this lesson. I hope that you can start applying it for yourself much sooner than that. 

Fill the vacuum with intention

Healing and letting go create a vacuum, a space, for something new to come in. It's kind of like when you clean out your closet and donate clothes. Or you clean out some other room in your house, or you move into a bigger house, and now you have more space.

Everything gets filled in! If you're not intentional about what's coming in, things that you don't want or that you've already created in the past are going to be recreated again.

Think about pulling weeds in the garden. You can spend all summer pulling weeds, but if you don't plant something else, you'll just get more weeds! 

In like manner, you can spend all of your time healing your wounds. But if you don't create something new, you'll just find more wounds to heal. You can spend your entire life chasing after wounds.

Finding wounds is a never-ending distraction

Honestly, I think this is one of Satan's distractions. The scriptures teach us to be virtuous, to focus on the things that are good, to love others, to serve others, to help the poor and the needy.

If we spend our time focusing on "poor me" and the things that don't seem to be going right in our own life, we're never going to reach out and help others.

In Mosiah 4, King Benjamin was loved by the people. He had spent his life in service to them, and he's giving them his final sermon before he passes away. He is teaching his people to be faithful, to take care of the poor and needy, to not judge others.

Then, he says something really profound. He says:  “And finally, I cannot tell you all the things whereby ye may commit sin; for there are divers ways and means, even so many that I cannot number them.”

This is the scripture I think of when I think about healing now.

 Of course there are going to be times when we need to focus on the healing. You break your arm. You get diagnosed with cancer. A loved one dies. You have a traumatic experience of abuse. Yes, of course, do the healing.

Learn to look to Christ

But no matter what we go through, I think one of the big life lessons is to learn to look to Christ. To learn to look to the light, to find him, no matter what we're experiencing. 

Christ himself tells us I am the way. I am the light. I am the truth. So, like King Benjamin says, there are all these diverse ways for evil, but there is one way for the light, and this is really what repentance is.

It's turning away and turning back to Christ, over and over again. Even if it's every couple seconds throughout the day.

I still have this experience sometimes where I end up not feeling very positive. And I constantly keep turning myself back. I pray, I read my scriptures. I listen to hymns, and even in the middle of doing those things, I have to bring myself back to Christ sometimes. Then there are days when it's just a perfect, beautiful, happy day and there's no negativity.

We are in a fallen world. We will always have pains and hurts. Yes, we need to give our wounds attention. Yes, healing our ancestral patterns is important. But we can’t stay focused on these things.

I know it can be hard to focus on God and on the good, especially when you've experienced years of things that hurt. Wherever you are, focus on something that is good. Even the smallest bit of good and light will move you forward.

If you're farther along your path, keep focusing on the good as much as possible! Eventually, it gets to a point where you can ignore the pains and hurts that come up and redirect your thoughts to what you desire.

I know that as we seek after our Heavenly Father, he will guide us along. He knows and loves you, and knows what we each need. I know that as we trust him and allow him to lead, even when it feels uncomfortable, we will be blessed and finding healing.

Main photo by Drew Rae from Pexels